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Why is Your Romantic Relationship So Hard? Understanding the Reasons Can Help it Grow Stronger

Sometimes a romantic relationship can feel like an uphill battle, even when both partners love each other. Understanding love languages, unresolved wounds, and communication issues is crucial for improving the relationship and strengthening connection.

Relationships can be hard

As you stare out the window, you can’t help but contemplate why your love connection is so complex and everything feels stagnant.  Why does it feel like everything is an uphill fight when you love your partner and they adore you?  

But simply understanding the difficulties is the first step in a forward direction toward improvement and a relationship that just flows. There are many factors that might make your relationship harder, so let’s dig into these and get you on the right path toward a stronger relationship.

couple smiling and talking to each other

Three Things That Could Be Making Your Relationship Feel Difficult ​


Individuals have their own distinct love language according to how they feel. Individuals express and receive love in a variety of ways, based primarily on how they were raised and other significant life experiences.  These differences can result in misinterpretation, misunderstanding, and feelings of discontent and dissatisfaction.

The five love languages include words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, and acts of service.  Knowing what your primary love language is for giving and for receiving (they can be different!) is incredibly helpful in creating a trusting bond with your partner. 

For example, you may feel so loved when your partner performs acts of service for you, but they express their love by gifting you material things instead. This can lead you to feel unsatisfied with your partner and your relationship even though your partner is expressing their love to you in a way that is meaningful to them.

Making the effort to love your partner in their own love language can make you both feel more loved, understood and connected.  Not sure what your love language is? Take the test here!


Most of us carry some sort of unresolved wound from either childhood, a past relationship or other traumas or betrayals.  Unless we seek support to clear this up, it can result in anxiety, stress and fear, which impacts how we behave and act in a relationship.  This can cause conflicts and misunderstanding which can make relationships so much more difficult. 

You may create a deeper, more meaningful relationship by being open and vulnerable with each other about these wounds.  If your relationship is a safe space, working through these challenges together can be the most healing thing.

Talking openly about anxieties can help your partner understand your feelings and create a more understanding and supportive environment for both of you.  Another way to heal is to seek counselling.


This is essential in every relationship. If there is a failure to communicate openly, honestly and transparently, everything will be more difficult than it should be. This may be less natural for those who aren’t accustomed to sharing emotions, thoughts and ideas with others. 

That is okay – but working on this will be worth it for the longevity of your relationship.  Take the time to listen to one another, communicate your thoughts and collaborate as a team to solve difficulties.

It is important to say that a difficult relationship does not mean it is doomed to fail. Relationships can be painful, but at the same time are often some of the most healing and growth-inducing experiences of our lives.  Recognizing and addressing the difficulties you are facing and putting in the effort to solve them will allow your relationship to be closer and more connected. 

FreeMind Therapy offers online couples counselling which offers support and tangible strategies to help your romantic relationship thrive. Book a FREE 15 min consultation with one of our experienced counsellors.